Hell of A Badass Warrior
As a child I had no idea how strong I was. I was raised by a narcissist whose sole aim in life was to keep me (and my sister but in a different way) small and under his controlling thumb.
By the age of 14 I’d had enough. And I spoke out. He’d have said I spoke back. Call it whatever you like – he had his perspective, I had mine. Ultimately, I grey rocked him and didn’t speak to him from the age of 17. That’s another “little” story of my life.
A bully crossed my path at the age of 7. She hid in the bushes on the route to school and when I’d walk by, she’d jump out and taunt me, push me and once even spit on me. I just kept walking. Did it bother me? Deeply. But I knew from living with a narcissist that you don’t give them fodder. You ignore them.
As an adult I met a number of bullies through my sons and their hockey teams. I was asked to be team manager by the coach on more than one team, and I did the job well. I was the buffer between the parents and the coach, and I took on the role to make sure that every player had a voice and opportunity, and that there were no parents seeking special treatment (some hockey parents are notorious for that). These bullies were men and there was one woman. I dealt with the worst of that while undergoing treatment for cancer. Bullies have no empathy (among other things) so in their eyes that only made me more vulnerable and an easier target. So they thought.
What I know about those who bully - they don’t like it when you are well liked by others, or you are confident or assured. They don’t like it if you care about other people and they definitely don’t like it if you are genuine and authentic. They would love to be all of those things but as they lack the capacity for self awareness and empathy it’s impossible. Their envy can consume them.
When cancer came along that’s when my true strength rose up on its hind legs. I became a hell of a warrior. I often referred to myself as David, cancer my Goliath. Bullies and narcissists fall into the same category as Goliath.
The only way to deal with these personalities is to grey rock in the case of someone in real life. Online, the next best thing is ignoring them. People who want to harass and bully want you to feel threatened, to feel fear and to see you cower. They like to play with you like a cat and a mouse. They want to bring you down. Ignoring them? It can be dangerous, but you don’t feed a troll whether they are invisible behind their keyboards, or you know exactly who they are.
