Anxiety

Life flows and carries us along with its highs and lows, with its happy moments and its periods of anguish and sorrow. At this moment in time, the world we know has been thrown into chaos, affecting some of us more than others. There are levels of anxiety from a mere noticing and feeling unsettled, to mid anxiety where we sense danger and upheaval to the strongest form of full-on panic. It is the unknown that unsettles us because there are no answers or reassurances ready to hand to allay the unease and fear.

Through some of the unexpected tumultuous moments in life we can hold tight and ride the wave until the storm passes or find solutions that work in the short or long term. We can make things worse by stressing ourselves about trying to find answers to situations that are out of our control. It is those moments of anxiety, when outcomes are out of our control that are the greatest test.

At one of my chemotherapy treatments, conversation around the room was about how we were coping. Some of the people in the room were being treated for cancer management, others of us in the hope that these toxic drugs we were being injected with would be our salvation. Travelers on a journey, we were in the boat together but not all heading towards the same destination.

A young woman sitting with an older man made a comment, about what, I don’t recall, but as soon as she had spoken, she looked aghast at us and said and I paraphrase, that she had “no business saying anything as she was not the one dealing with cancer, she was only there to support her father.”

The room was silent, until I spoke up in defense of her right to speak because she was in fact, dealing with cancer. While this woman’s cancer journey anxiety was different from ours, it was no less valid. Faced with a life crisis that was out of her hands, she wanted to support her loved one but did not know how to go about that other than sitting by his side and holding his hand. Like all of us in that circle, she wanted answers, she wanted to know the outcome, and she wanted reassurance that all would be well. That life would go back to how it was before their lives were turned upside down.

In times of crisis and chaos we often must listen to experts, those who have the education or training to move us forward. What we need most is to trust. To trust the process, to trust that others have the answers, to trust in something bigger than us. To trust in ourselves. The outcome may not be what we hope for but the stress we feel as we go through crisis and uncertainty only makes things worse. The waiting can be excruciating but it is sitting in stillness until we know the outcome that we need. Once we have an answer we can move forward, make plans, and create a new path if necessary.

In the meantime, stepping into the silence of nature can calm. Listening to music soothes. And laughter helps at the hardest of times. It seems counter intuitive, but it works. At the hardest moments of my cancer journey, when either or both of my children were deeply stressed and worried, I reminded them that I was still here, living in the present. We were still going to their sporting events; they still had responsibilities and there was no slipping under the radar. And on the bad days, we had props. I bought fake noses & glasses shortly after my diagnosis for all of us and when the tears had been shed for too long, they were put on until the tears had turned to laughter and we got on with the business of living as best we knew how.

Anxiety is a very real part of life. It is also presents us with the possibility of valuable life lessons.